I missed my marathon - and it's my fault!
I was signed up to take part in this years virtual London marathon and I didn't do it! This post is all about regret and trying to find some perspective in a series of decisions I made that resulted in why I didn't participate.
I have run the London Marathon 4 times (3 as a pacemaker) I love the event and I love the brand. I love running marathons. So, why did I bail? Time for the excuses...
My chief excuse is that I developed 4 blisters (two on each heel) the night before. This is true, they are deep and nasty looking. It's been 5 days and I still can't put shoes on. This seems like a reasonable excuse, right? It's not advisable to run on these horrid skin lesions. However, that's not the real reason! The truth is I failed to make the right decisions that would have kept my feet race-ready. The question I need to be honest is about is: why did I allow myself to get blisters in the first place?
So why did I get them - well to put it bluntly I went galavanting the day before on a day trip up to Strafford-upon-Avon in new fancy boots, which I had only worn once before. I went to Stratford-upon-Avon for lunch to send off a close friend who is to be married at the end of the month. I had promised myself that I would only have a few drinks to try and keep some sense of composure so that I would be able to catch the train home back to London and feel reasonably fit to run the next day.
We had a very nice lunch with very nice wine, and Stratford-upon-Avon has lots of pubs with really nice ale... Safe to say that my mind at this point had started to question my desire to run the next day. Despite my hearty appetite for the food and drink I did actually manage to catch my train home as planned. But it was on the way to the train station when I needed to run to catch the train - that's when I really felt the heels rubbing. At this point, I had enough anaesthetic in me to mask the reality of what was going on in the heel area. I told myself at this point that it's 50/50 I'll run tomorrow - knowing deep down it was more like 90/10 that I would not.
Surely enough I awoke the next day with a sore head (I have had much worse) but with much sorer feet. It took all of 2 seconds to decide I was not going to run and that was that. I quickly turned my attention to an unhealthy breakfast and a spot on the couch for the morning.
Biting into a glorious bacon and egg sandwich I switched on the TV to see the London Marathon elite athletes in full swing pacing through the street of London. The guilt was real. I felt I had let myself down, I had wasted space for someone more deserving. Worst of all, I could not even go on a small run to help rationalise this (... the wretched blisters). And, then my day of guilt was quickly interrupted by the delightful news that another friend had just gone into labour a few weeks early. I was required to help organise their house and buy a few things - which was a pleasure to help. It has taken me a few days to forgive myself for the actions I took that led me to blisters and a no-show at an event I would have been proud to be part of. The actions were, of course, my decisions and I take full accountability - but hey - I had a really good time. I got to wear the new shoes my wife bought me and I was able to play an important role in a birth of a new person into the world.
So, I have decided to forgive myself. Instead of feeling guilty and as the Sportbum.life way prescribes I am going to be kind to myself. We all make small mistakes that can lead to regret, but life is hard to predict. So I am going to fail forward. I am taking the opportunity to rest for a week and write, reflect and take action to create more opportunities for me to enjoy running in events, which I have to also accept will increase the chances of future regret - but it means moving forward and not looking back. We only have one shot at this game of life so let's not dwell on mistakes. The biggest lesson I am taking from this is not to wear new shoes before race day! That's it.